Sometime in May I started to lose motivation, or my drive. I find it harder and harder to start doing just about everything. Even if it's something I genuinely enjoy doing. And I just don't know why. I constantly feel like I'm in a loop, doing the same things over and over again. The same work, the same art, the same games, everything. I've lived in roughly the same area my entire life. And I just wonder if I need change.

This is me talking about things very few of you will care about

I started this website to originally post updates to an animated online series called Unleashed. Well, it's been close to a year and there is no Unleashed.
I work on impulse. I buy, create, watch, study, and behave on impulse. I thought that an animated series would be easy to make, after all. I did make plenty of short animations on my DSi. So how hard could it be? So I made some concept art, made a brief description and posted info to Twitter. That was mistake number 1. I should have never shared my idea with Twitter, not that soon. See, I have a tendency to not finish... Much of any big projects. I have some form of A.D.D. possibly, I can't always focus on something. Now I'm not saying I'm giving up on Unleashed. I just should have kept it secret until I had more planned.

Now something else. My art. Lets be honest here. I am not spectacular at art, I used to think I was. But I'm not. I work slow, don't add a lot of detail, and need a LOT of practice. I look at my art and think, man. This is pretty good. Then I look at the art I'm basing it on, and realize how much simpler, less well done it is. Certain times I wonder if I was meant to be an artist for my career, or is it supposed to be a hobby?
And if not art. What do I do with my life? I've wanted to get into acting, but have no way to do that now. I like making stuff, but I'm not that great. Maybe I just need practice? Or maybe I just need a break. 
I'm almost halfway to being 17. I may graduate at 17. Then what? College? A job? I'm terrified of how fast time has been moving, days merge together, weeks fly by. Months feel halved. Soon enough I'll have to make a crucial decision to my life. What do I pursue?

That honestly keeps me up hours at night, trying to find the answer to a question only I can answer. 

There's something I've realized over the past few months. Something that I wish I didn't have to discover. 
What does it mean to be an "Artist"? Is it somebody who just makes art? Or is it something more? For a while I thought that I had reached my peak of artistic abilities. That I could draw anything I wanted, and it could come out perfectly. I was blinded I guess you could say.
I know a lot of artists through Twitter. Around 30 or 40 or so. Many for over a year now. And I've seen them grow as artists, watched their talent expand. For awhile, it was at the same rate as I was growing. But then, I noticed something. Many of them were surpassing me. Some by huge amounts. (That's not to say I was better than them at a time.) and I couldn't figure out why. Then not too long ago it hit me. it was because I no longer thought I needed to improve. And thus, I wasn't improving. I was at a standstill while everyone else was moving forward. I had forgotten one of the oldest pieces of advice an artist can have. There is always room for improvement. That was my biggest problem, I wasn't cocky or arrogant, I just thought my training was done. the truth is, I have so so much left to learn. I've only just scratched the surface of "art" and I'm am so sorry that I wasn't aware of this sooner.
For the past few days, I've been trying to improve. To learn. I don't want to outdo anybody, I just want to be the very best I can be. 

So, what is an artist? Somebody who is truly passionate about his or her craft. Not for the fame, or money, or praise. But because art is something truly special, something that so many, yet so few of us can appreciate.

So I get asked a simple question a lot. And that being "WHERE THE HECK IS UNLEASHED!?" Simple answer is, I realized I need a new tablet to make it. Now, before you (All 8 of you) start telling me I'm just lazy, let me explain. See, once I got the software, I started to make Unleashed. But when it took me 6 hours to make the first frame well... I think you can see my problem there. See, my usual technique for drawing in flash is to make straight lines the bend them, making a nice crisp design. But that takes 4 times longer than just drawing normally. So I need a tablet that I can see what I'm doing so I can animate in my usual style I use for drawing on paper.
So, Unleashed isn't cancelled or anything. I just need to find a way to get the money for the new tablet, I'll continue to make concept art and make a good story for it until then.
And for those telling me to hurry up, if you want to single-handedly make an animated series by your self, that's writing, designing, animating, voice acting, and promoting it all alone, be my guest. ;)

Until next time, Bladebrawl.

So, I'm pretty depressed right now. And instead of me just lying down to die like a normal person, I think I'll get some stuff off my chest. So I present to you, The not so complete list of things wrong with Bladebrawl!! Everything I can think of anyway.

#1: One of the biggest things I really dislike about myself is the fact that I like attention. A lot. Now, that's not so say I constantly want to be the center of everything. I just like attention. No matter how hard I try to correct this problem, it seems to be embedded in my brain somewhere. For instance, that Ask.fm thing? I post the link to mine probably 3 or 4 times a day. That's partly due to the fact that the questions I get are hilarious. But it's still me, answering questions, about me.


#2: My attention span of a freakin' mess. Now, I don't know if it's any form of A.D.D. or I just can't focus. But man, does it get in the way. Whether I'm doing school, playing a game, drawing, tweeting, or resting. I usually can't help but think about something else. Every now in then I go into HYPER FOCUS MODE DELTA where essentially, I focus like a maniac. Ever play a game for an hour come to find out it's been 6 hours? Yeah. Imagine that, but with, well, anything. Thanks brain.


#3: I'm poor. And before you get all boo hoo Bladey's poor oh such a baby, obviously I can't help the money situation too much. What the problem is, I get angry about it. When I can't buy something I want right away, I get peeved off. Why? Who knows, maybe I have the brain of a spoiled kid in a poor man's body.

#4: I'm too proud. I'd like to think I'm one of a kind, with my art, writing, ideas, that maybe I'm some hotshot. Well I'm not. I've met countless people online with just as much or waaaay more talent than me, and younger ages. While I'm supportive of everyone I can, I sometimes secretly get jealous. I can criticize too harshly or just get annoyed with the person. Same thing goes for if someone insults my art just to be mean. I suddenly want to be mean to them. Not a good example to set.

#5: I get attached to things and people so much, that I feel sick when they are taken away from me. For example, I know a lot of great people through Twitter. People I hold near and dear to me. Some, well, a little too close. Sometimes if I see them get in an argument, I suddenly have to take their side. Or I get insulted if somebody criticizes them.
Now, most of you know I'm single. And sometimes, well... I meet someone that I really like. This has happened 4 or 5 times in the past 3 years or so. Even before I was on twitter. What's worse is, it's always someone I can never be with. See, I will never online date. I just won't. But my mind doesn't always want to agree. Sometimes, I'm just talking to someone, and then they'll say something, and I'm just Oh crap... No... No no no.... Aaaaaaaand I'm in love. FUUUU- you get the idea. This tends to mess with my head sometimes. So I try really hard to just stay friends with people.

#6: I get random depression fits. Like right now, it just hit me. DEPRESSION FOR EVERYONE, AND BY THAT I MEAN ME. Sometimes I know why I'm depressed, sometimes it's just random. Either way, it sucks. (This is helping though)

#7: I'm lazy, yes. The guy writing essentially an essay for no reason is lazy. WELL, I am. While it's not uncommon for people to be lazy, I just hate the fact that I'm one of those people. Which brings me to my next part...

#8: I'm fit, but shouldn't be. See, I'm a fairly fit guy, not a lot of fat, decent muscle, pretty energetic. But here's the thing, I don't do anything like, at all. I sit at my computer all day. For hours. I can only assume it has to do with my genetics. My father has always been rather skinny. He's not scrawny, just skinny. My mother is also if fairly decent shape. So, somehow, they made the perfect genetic code that is me. It's put to such good use...
This being said, I don't snack a lot while I'm sitting, or drink a lot of soda. I eat pretty healthy, I'm just not too active. I enjoy sports and running and anything fun like that. I'm just alone, so I don't feel like doing anything. Which brings us to---

#9: I'm lonely. While I think it's fair to say my lack of social whatever you want to call it can be blamed mostly on being homeschool, that's not the only reason. See, I have friends. Quite a few actually, just not really close friends. Why? Because I never attempted to be better friends with any of them. Like, just the other day, my friend said I should come by his place to watch a movie sometime. 2 weeks before that he said the same thing, see, HE is trying to be my friend. But why didn't I go? Well, I didn't want to ask my parents permission to go. They don't know him, or his parents. So, I was almost positive they'd say no. And instead of me just asking and suggesting they meet him, I did nothing. What the heck!?


#10: I don't like to ask for parents' permission. Now, don't get the right idea. That doesn't mean I'm doing stuff without asking them, I hardly ever do that. I just don't like asking them if I can do stuff. See, I don't want to be rejected, to be told no. Because then I feel like I've lost. And I hate that feeling. See, something I've gathered from the years with my parents is, they're strict. In fact, it took me 5 months just to convince them to let me play Assassin's Creed. So, while I have been successful at getting my way before, it took FOREVER. 
This is the main reason I don't video or voice chat. I don't want to do it behind their backs, I respect them too much for that. But I don't want to ask them either. Because even if they said yes, I'd hear a So... Who are you trying to chat with anyway? How old are they? Is it a girl? What are THEY doing on camera? What would YOU be doing on camera? Can we sit in? Is it a girl?
GAH. Just no, no. Look, I love my parents to death, and it's very likely they're reading this (Hi Mom Hi Dad) but, I don't want to go through with that. Plus, I'm lazy. (See above)

I think overall, people aren't perfect. And I'm faaaaaar from it myself. But, that's part of being human, I guess.
I doubt you read this far, but if you did. Thanks. I'm no longer depressed now, so, I guess my computer counts as a shrink or something. I just saved 40 bucks. Seeya around. Leave a comment if you like, or not. I'm not craving attention or anything...

Hello people you either read my tweets or stalk me! So, I should probably post a little update eh? Here goes:
So it's been awhile since I started this site. My original intention was for it to be the main website for my series Unleashed, which was * supposed * to be out by October... That didn't happen. But it made me think. Why just make animations? Why not make skits? The logical answer was "I am not an actor"... But why should I listen to anybody? Especially myself! So I have a camera, I'll soon get some programs. And I'll begin just making videos in both live action and animation. So this site will probably be my site for.... Everything. I'll post these blog thingies (Does anybody actually read them?) and post videos, and maybe some art. Maybe even some tutorials. Who knows? But yeah, that's really all I have to say.
Oh, and Happy Holidays.

-Bladebrawl

So, as you may or may not know, Unleashed is not my only project. It might be my biggest, but not my only. I'd also like to make skits, live action videos, and other random animations. The thing is, where to start? Well, I've been giving it a lot of thought. Do I want to head straight into it with Unleashed, with a fairly small amount of experience. Or do I wait until I get really good at it with some smaller animation first? And what's more important, animation or live action? Not to mention the required equipment of both, and the money needed to buy it.
And that's another thing, money. In order to make everything, I need to find work, which uses time, then add the time it takes to do school and I already am running out of hours. Then I have to make the choice of doing something productive, or relaxing after work. Obviously one of those choices is easier said then done. I think everything is easier said then done most of the time now right? Well, my "plan" is to buy a camera, software, a mic, and some music, and just dive in... This could result in me wasting countless hours and money on a never ending cycle of doom... Or it just might work. My goal is to entertain, I just don't know how exactly I want to entertain yet. But hey, a little experimenting never hurt anybody right?.. Except weapon testers... Anyway, thanks for reading me rant. You 4 people really make my day. Oh, I should probably update the site again,  eh, I'll do it later.

So, it's been a little while since I updated. Thought I'd give you some info. I have a few projects I'm working on, one being Unleashed of course, then I have another smaller animation that's pretty much all about humor. Also I'm turning my bedroom into a studio, so it's easier to work and animate. Not much else to say really, I'm pretty busy so I'm not getting everything done nearly as fast as I'd like to. There's really no telling if I can get Unleashed done before 2013. I can say something will get posted before then though. But I guess that's what happens when you work on big projects alone in your house right?
But I'm having fun, so that's what counts. If you have any questions please leave a comment.
 Also I have a question for you, what is the biggest thing you've ever worked on?
Thanks for reading. -Bladebrawl

I've been hard at work making Unleashed this weekend. The result so far is.... A bunch of un-shaded things that don't look like a finished piece of art.... Which is great considering that's all it is so far. I don't want to spoil anything too big, but I do want to share a screenshot of a work in progress of a character who will show up in the first few seconds of Unleashed.
So far I'm really just doing the prep work, getting all of the "props" that show up in the opening scene ready to animate, picking colors for the background (Backgrounds are the hardest thing ever to draw when you have no experience drawing them). And tweaking some designs. Next week I'll hopefully have a lot more to show, until then, enjoy this picture of this unfinished guy! 

Well, after roughly 3 or 4 months of preparations, false starts, and a few rewrites later, I am finally going to begin work on Unleashed this Saturday. It's going to be an animated web series in case you didn't already know, hosted on this http://www.youtube.com/user/Bladebrawl?feature=mhee Youtube channel. My plan is to get the first part out around December, and the rest of the series sometime in 2013. The first part isn't really an episode, more of a opening to the series, to introduce the character Isaac and the world he lives in.